Monday, April 20, 2009

I was born on Mother's Day...

Coincidence, I think not.

I can't really put into words the joy that being a mother brings to me. My awesome friend Bri tells me that we both have a "mother's heart". And it made me realize that not all mother's feel the way that we do...

A mother's heart...

made me lay on the floor next to Oliver's bed last night, while tears streamed down my face, and softly rub his hair as I listened to him sleep. I would rest my head on his legs and let the tears fall onto his blankets, while praying for his safety, wisdom, and future.

A mother's heart...

was beating so strongly last night as I rocked Liam to sleep on my chest in the recliner. I imagined my love for him just seeping through my chest, my shirt, and right into his little body.

A mother's heart...

is what allows me to love my little baby so much, as I sing lullabies to my child inside. It was a grateful mother's heart that brought tears to my eyes as I heard my child's heartbeat, so strong. So lovely.

A few weeks ago, I was at a baby shower for a friend of mine from high school. There were a couple of girls there that I graduated with. One of them is pregnant. She asked what I was doing these days. I replied that I got to spend my days at home with my boys. And she asked if I go crazy... and stated that she doesn't know how I do it. And the truth is, that I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want to miss the successful trips to the potty. The fights over toys. The tickle fights. The lunchtime talks. The nap time fits and tantrums. I love the good and the inconvenient. There were times when Justin and I only had one car, that I thought I was going to go cuckoo without a way to get out and do things... and I realize that yes, it is nice to have the option to run and get baby wipes if I run out... but ultimately, I am happy here. Not content. Not okay. Not it'll do. I am happy at home. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And I wouldn't want my boys anywhere else.

(DISCLAIMER: All of this to say, that it is a mother's love that also makes the difficult decision to go to work and to have daycare for her children. Sometimes, love has to do what is hard... and it is a wise woman that can recognize that she would not do her children any favors by staying home, when she is miserable there...)

Growing up, I never said that I wanted to "just be a mommy". I wanted to be a movie star actually. I am grateful to have a God that knows what I am really best at. And for his patience as I fought tooth and nail the idea of being a stay at home mother and wife.

I have never known happiness like I do now. As a wife. As a mother.




And I am so very grateful...

3 comments:

Carolyn said...

Oliver's shirt looks great on him! But I don't like how grown-up he looks. It's way too bittersweet.

Kim said...

That was a very sweet post. I love your blog!

mom said...

thats my girl